descend

you tell me goodnight and say that you’ll stay,

i tell you it’s fine, don’t go out of your way.

you kiss my forehead and down my neck,

i brace for the morning when there’s not a speck of you left in this bed.

but you’re kissing my chest now and it feels so nice

to be loved, to be touched, but it’s just a slice

of the attention i need, i crave, from you,

and now my sheets aren’t the only things blue;

your lips on my hips, my hands in your hair,

fuck, darling, i know that you won’t be there

in the morning, i need you, i love you, i do,

please, baby, just one night, one more, with you.

you’re kissing my thighs, my knees, my feet,

it tickles but i’m aching, your love a constant beat in my heart, in my head,

but i’m wishing i’d said

that i loved you, needed you, for more than this,

that i love you, i need you, for more than this bliss.

you come back up and kiss my lips;

a gentle declaration, and my stomach flips.

you lay down beside me and pull me in close,

tell me you won’t leave me, but it feels so morose.

when i wake, youll be gone, and i’ll be okay,

but one day i hope that you’ll actually stay.

ascend

i don’t want your sympathy,

i want your hands on my body,

your lips on my skin.

i want your voice in my ears,

your breath on my neck.

come over,

come make me fly,

make me forget the worries that plague

my damaged goods mind.

make me feel

like i’m the only one,

like i’m your only one,

even though i’m not.

elevate me.

make me ascend

out of this plane and into the next.

help me out of this body,

out of this soul,

come with me to the stars.

hold me close,

press your body to mine,

chest to chest and legs to legs,

hips to hips and mouth to mouth,

touch me, dear,

love me,

kiss me,

cover me in your lipstick, in your scent,

in your love or in your passion, in your affection or in your desperation, i don’t care,

just need me like i need you.

3:34 am

lay with me

just this once.

just this one time.

just.

lay.

hold me close,

as though i’m slipping away

as quickly as i feel i am.

hold me close,

so my body has some sort of warmth.

hold me close,

just so i can feel you pressed against me.

just so i can feel your heartbeat

against mine,

feel your fingers

trace delicate patterns on my back,

breathe my lungs

full of your smell,

full of your love,

and exhale mine against your neck.

hold me close,

brush through my hair,

hold me close,

pull me close,

hold me,

breathe me,

love me close.

don’t speak.

let me enjoy this without regret.

look into my eyes,

smile softly,

tell me i’m the most wonderful boy you’ve ever seen.

tell me i’m the prettiest girl you’ve ever seen.

tell me i’m the best person you’ve ever seen.

brush my hair out of my face,

drape your arm over my shoulder,

being my face closer,

closer,

where did you go?

unrequited

i told you that i loved you

said you didn’t feel the same.

my soul, it left my body,

no words left in this brain,

my heart told me it’s over,

and the sobs, they overcame.

the moon saw me once more

pleading desperately to the stars,

wishing, hoping, for one more day

where you were more than just a scar.

the next day came, the sun, she rose.

my tears have stopped, supposedly so.

i wish i was yours, but that i’ve shared.

i’d much rather be friends than you not be there.

cosmos

your hand brushed mine

and it stopped the time and space

that you created.

you hung the stars and sent glimmers

to the fireflies that reflect in your eyes.

you dropped the sun and raised the moon,

day in, day out,

each day a new day

for me to long for your hand

in mine,

our lips,

intertwined,

the world to stop spinning,

for time to stop moving,

and let me melt with you,

mixing our energies,

our emotions,

our hands and feet and arms and legs

until there’s no other choice

but to let the lack of gravity take its course

and float into space,

holding each other.

i love you cosmically,

i love you universally,

i would build galaxies for you,

take you among the stars,

love you among the comets,

live within the boundaries of absolute,

absolute infinity.

miles and miles and lightyears and lightyears

for us to explore

together.

i don’t want to see the stars if it isn’t with you.

you hung them for earth,

but mine hang for you.

16 hours

can you come down and stay with me?

i’m 16 hours away, but i feel like i’m still home.

i’m sharing a room with my family,

a bed with my sister,

and it’s driving me absolutely

the

walls.

i want to be alone.

i need to be alone.

but your company is needed too.

you’re so close to me

that it doesn’t matter if i share a room with you

or a bed

because you understand personal space

and me

and i need that

i need you.

thank you for being that way,

the way that i can’t really verbalize.

letting me feel alone in your company,

but not in a toxic way,

in a normal

loving way.

1:16

dear,

if only you knew the words i want to say to you. i think, maybe, you’d understand better. maybe, hopefully, it would help you see yourself in the light that i see you in.

so,

if i happen to fuck up and accidentally link you to this account before telling you, real you, that i’m in love with you, i hope you enjoy this. please don’t laugh. or bring it up. (unless you, too, happen to be in love with me).

you’re beautiful. but everyone says that to their lover. so i won’t. bill said it the best, “shall i compare thee to a summer’s day?”. he gets me.

you’re sunshine.

i hate the heat, but you make it bearable. your warm rays pull me into your embrace, and it’s so hot that it burns, but i don’t notice it until later. until my skin is scorched red because i got too close. it’s sort of like a punishment; i got too close to something i can’t have. as the impact, i don’t notice it until i’m alone, until i’m cold, and you’re not here.

you’re rain.

i adore rain. i adore you. you settle in around me, linger until you can’t take it anymore. and you release. you wash over me, you cleanse me, you dampen my clothes, drip dye from my scalp down my skin. but then, at the snap of a hand, you could destroy. you could kill. i don’t see you like that, though. because after everything you do, a rainbow follows behind.

there are so many more analogies i can compare you with, so many more seasons and weather patterns and astronomical features. but i won’t. because, no matter how hard i try, nothing will compare to you. you’re beyond description, beyond predication, everything about you is radiant.

l’appel du vide

i’m on the rooftop of a skyscraper.

the wind is howling from up here,

though to the city below me,

there isn’t breeze enough to startle a napkin.

i’ve always loved it up here.

from this high, you can see everything

but all i see is you.

i don’t know where you are in this world

but i feel you all around me;

you’re pumping the blood in my veins,

pushing fear in and out of my brain,

shaking my hands,

liquidizing my legs,

unleashing hoards of butterflies in my stomach.

you’re the blue mountains in the distance,

the pink in the sky,

the cotton candy clouds

that are filled with unshed tears.

you’re the streetlights down below,

the smell of coffee from the cafe on 3rd,

the smell of gasoline on 15th.

but most of all,

you’re the wind,

you’re talking to me,

you’re singing to me,

it’s beautiful,

you’re beautiful,

you’re chilly in all the best ways,

the best ways,

you’re all i see,

all i care for,

you’re everything,

you’re everywhere,

you’re surrounding me,

you’re going to catch me,

you’re surrounding me,

you promised you’ll catch me,

i’m falling

i’m falling.

longing

i wish i could be in your bed tonight. 
i wish i could curl my hand, 
my body, 
my world,
against you tonight.
i wish i could press my lips to yours,
softly,
slowly, 
adoringly.
i wish we could pull up a show on your laptop, 
lay in your bed under the covers,
with our legs intertwined.
i wish i could stifle my laughter against your neck, 
your shoulder,
your chest,
wherever i could reach.

i wish you could come pick me up.
is it too late for you to come get me?
i want to go get a milkshake,
ride down 40 with the windows down,
into the city.
i want you to reach over the console and take my hand in yours,
bring it to your lips and kiss my knuckles so reverently
that my insides catch fire
so the only thing i can do to cool them off
is take a sip from the cup.

sweetest,
i wish nothing more than your company.
i wish for you tonight.
you're a text away, 
but i need you, here, close, tonight.

perhaps i'm in too deep,
perhaps i couldn't care less.

this is the way love's supposed to feel.

brown eyes

is this what they mean when they say "in love"?
let me break it down-
i've had girls and boys, 
some who i liked,
some who i loved.
but you-
oh, dearest.
there are not enough words;
correction,
there are no words
to describe you correctly.
i've tried, so i'll try again, 
but if you read this, 
know i could never find enough to say.

dearest,
you.
you're not like them.
you make my heart sing, 
make my heart beat quicker for you.
you make the clouds clear, 
the flowers blossom,
you take my pain out of my chest and brain
and turn it into a paper ball;
crumpled, tossed into the waste bin.
your smile lights up my darkest corners,
your voice turns on the air for my heat.
your touch ignites the flame within me, 
and your words put me to rest.
i've sliced myself into shreds
but you've helped put me together. 
if a bandage dare fell off, 
you'd put on a new one, better. 

when you are hurting, i wish i could hold you,
push back your hair and dry your tears.
i wish to hold your hand to affirm you'll get better, 
but you're just my friend, so i know better.
when you're hurting, 
oh, it hurts me too.
someone so divine as you 
deserves nothing but the best. 

so tell me, is this "love"?
is this what all the movies mean?
all the old people sat with their lovers, 
scolding me over dried sponge cake?

if this is the love they assume i've never had,
i don't understand how they could fight their lover.
i can not fathom anything that would 
dare
cause me to raise my voice, 
or, worse, strike her. 

she is my best friend.
she is my person.
she is my love.
she is my world.

and, despite all of the above,
we are separate entities,
floating through time and space, 
together.