Tag: tw: depression

depression, deuxième partie

my room is a mess,

my hair is not brushed,

my body aches with

the person that i could be,

the person that i should be.

i’m barely out of being a teenager,

i should not hurt so much,

but my heart beats too fast, too slow,

and my brain has turned to tv static mush.

yes, i napped at 2 pm,

what’s it all to you?

i went to work,

i did my job,

i came home.

my body begs to stay in bed,

but i fight those urges,

though feeling i’m better off dead.

so what if i nap?

i need my rest.

i can’t sleep at night no more,

it’s been long since i’ve been that blessed.

this isn’t the anemia

my doctor prescribed,

this is depression,

under he i hide.

no one will listen!

this isn’t my blood!

my brain has been decaying

since i was but a wee child.

i have issues piled on issues,

walls built on walls,

i don’t need an iron tablet,

i need an iron wall.

i need a therapist,

i need physical help,

can’t you see i’m falling to shreds?

hasn’t it been obvious from the start?

depression

i feel my energy draining,

like lava from a volcano.

it began to flow this morning,

out of my brain,

down my ashy, blackened rocks,

burning and heavy,

oozing so slowly that i could easily catch it

if i could.

i could catch it if my bucket

didn’t have holes.

i could catch it

if i could get out of bed.

but it oozes,

slimes it’s way out,

globbing itself into clumps

that hurt to bypass.

my will to continue

oozes with it.

my body is shutting down,

but not really,

it’s working harder to keep me

a well working machine

in this corporate world.

nobody wants a machine with no juice,

but that’s what i’ve been granted

for all of my life.

the world is running windows 10,

i am running.

but i can’t catch up.

my body tries and tries to work,

tries so hard to keep me in stasis,

but good someone,

i am exhausted.

stasis is exhausting when you can’t be static

because stasis leaves you on edge,

but you can’t be mobile

because you’re too exhausted to breathe.

my body is a decaying machine

and the mechanic moved twelve states away.

i lost my charger,

the cord’s broke anyways,

i’m stuck in hibernation mode

and no ctrl alt del can fix this.

i’m due for an upgrade,

but there’s nothing new to buy.

my motherboard is failing,

but don’t tell me goodbye.